Return to zero
My father was a philosopher who loved art. When I was fifteen, I had a boyfriend (R.) who was also very philosophical, so the two started having long conversations. Usually I preferred playing basketball, but sometimes I listened in for a while. R. was in the final year of VWO (college) and receiving tutoring in math. I overheard him and my father together analysing the moment when a mathematical problem was solved, when everything could be reduced to zero. This feeling of satisfaction and peace, when nothing remained. They both seemed delighted about this recognition. My father also applied it to the experience of art: how paintings (or other forms of art) that are initially provocative, leave a sense of balance if only you keep watching long enough. A natural harmony arises. Many years later, I myself got engaged in long and fiery discussions with my father. It always started around some philosophical subject that we (seemingly) disagreed on. For example, the statement that one should not have principles (he said) or one definitely should (I said). We would keep talking until we had clearly put into words and understood what we really meant with our statements. Finally, we ended up fully agreeing. It had just been a matter of words and definitions. (Principles should not be blind dogmas.) What mainly happened in a discussion like that, was listening, nuancing, defining and refining, and a lot of slowing down in order to really be open. In the end, what remained was a sense of connectedness and satisfaction. I was always so moved by my father's love of purity and truth, his commitment to clear it all up to the core. Very inspiring. He would never leave it unfinished, it had to become crystal clear.So we ended up at zero. The mathematical problem was naturally solved and what was left was…